All The Eyes

I didn't realize the amount of scrutiny parents get before I had kids. I became a mom when I was 20 years old and quickly realized everyone has an opinion on everything. It became pretty evident some people believe that kids should be seen, but not heard. My eldest child was a very talkative 2 year old. Sometimes, he would have to gasp for air to continue his run-off sentences. Some people thought it was cute and some people thought it was annoying. This blog post isn't about him, though. This post is about my youngest child and the societal pressure on parents to keep their autistic children quiet...whether that be their vocal stims or screaming or crying during a meltdown. If you don't know what a meltdown is...let me explain. A meltdown is a nervous system response within an autistic persons body that occurs when they are feeling overwhelmed. It is not a tantrum. It is not voluntary. It is not the child "acting out" to get their way. The meltdown can be caused by feelings of severe anxiety or sensory complications. The stares and remarks people can throw your way while your child is having a meltdown is a mixed bag. Some people look on with compassion, some with pity, and some with sanctimonious judgement. It can be hard (as a parent) to maintain your emotional composure when the child is experiencing a meltdown especially if the child is displaying self-injurous behavior or causing physical harm to the parent as they are trying to calm them. I am not a robot and neither is my son. We are both human and experience frustration. We are actually going over emotions right now on his AAC device, so that he has a way to communicate with us how he is feeling. "All the eyes" don't seem important when i remind myself those people don't know my son, the hope I have for his future, and the love we have for one another.